Slower than a walking elephant! More powerful (but slower) than a running chicken! Taking on tens of passengers at a single stop!

It’s a taxi! It’s an SUV! It’s… the M96 bus, the “winner” of the 2008 Pokey Award given to the slowest bus route in New York City. The Straphangers Campaign and Transportation Alternatives released lists of the slowest and the least reliable NYC buses (which won “Schleppie Awards”) yesterday.

As usual, Manhattan’s crosstown routes dominated the list of slowest buses, with the five slowest being the M96, M14D, M42, M14A, and M23. The M96 clocked in at 3.7 mph (measured at noon on weekdays), which the Straphangers Campaign pointed out is barely faster than a walking person and is actually slower than a walking elephant, a mouse, or a running chicken. (City Room pointed out that, in fairness, “it was not clear how close a chicken could get to its maximum speed in crosstown traffic.”) The least reliable route was the M101/2/3, which had large gaps in service more than 26% of the time.

One crosstown bus which did not make the list is the M34, which has been a perennial contender for a Pokey Award and which “won” in 2004 and 2005. Straphangers staff did not evaluate the route this year because NYCDOT was in the process of striping bus lanes onto 34th Street — the first phase of what the city calls “Select Bus Service.” 34th Street will eventually receive a dramatic makeover complete with a physically separated busway. Both Paul White of Transportation Alternatives and an MTA release pointed out that these and other bus rapid transit elements like signal priority and pre-paid boarding (both of which exist on the Fordham Road Select Bus Service in the Bronx) were coming to more NYC buses in the near future. Such features won’t give buses Superman-like speed, but can significantly improve service in a relatively short time and for low cost.